Thursday, November 29, 2007

John's being discharged today

Good morning.  Just a quick entry before I am off to the hospital.  Today is actually discharge day!  They are releasing John because his fever is gone.  He can't walk much yet.  But yesterday he walked a little bit down the hall, actually one lap around the little circle.

I'm so glad his fever is gone and he is able to come home, but I'm a little nervous.  Just yesterday I wanted him recultured, because the night before he couldn't walk even one step in the hall, and I was wondering why he was so ill.  But it does look like he is improving now.

I am, however, really scared that his hemoglobin is so low, and his numbers are steadily falling.  When I pointed out to his doctor/ oncologist the low number in his labs, he ordered blood for John.  That was at my urging though.  It really scares me that the doctor didn't notice on his own.  Actually, the first time I pointed it out to him (day before last), he said he would order blood and he never did.  Yesterday I called Dr. Claxton's nurse, Mitzi, in Hershey.  I told her the situation.  She said that instead of John coming to Hershey Medical Center, that the local oncologist should order the blood for John right away.  I had to argue with the local nurse a little bit, but she finally took care of having the doctor order the blood.  Such nonsense.  She knows it takes three days for the blood to get to the hospital because John's type is so rare.  She kept saying, but what if it so happens that he just DOESN'T need it?  I said, but what if he DOES?   

The blood will take three days to come in.  John will get it here at the local hospital he has been in.  They will readmit him to the hospital for one day to give him the blood.

Seems kind of strange to me that they are not keeping him since his count is so low, but whatever.  I will keep him on my couch in the living room, LOL.  Sounds good to me.  I can keep a good eye on him.  I will make him homemade soup.  When he feels stronger (and that may not happen before he gets blood) he can practice little walks around the apartment.   

I am so excited!  To have him back.  Praise God he is with me this year, in time for Christmas.  It will be a good one!  I am thinking of putting up a tree now!  And I will get my kitty back even!  

Hope your week is going as well.  Now off to the hospital to get John!

Love,  Krissy


Tuesday, November 27, 2007

John has sepsis

Hi you all.  I hope everyone's doing okay, and beginning to enjoy the holiday season.  Is it beginning to start feeling Christmasy yet to you?  Here everything is decorated.  Even the hospital is decked out in pretty Christmas trees with all sorts of bulbs. 

So I guess I should give you an update on John. 

I found out yesterday that he has sepsis.  That's a bacterial infection in the blood.  He has something called Gram Negative.  He probably has additional blood infections, but they are trying to figure out what they are.  It takes one to three days to get results back from a culture.  

The nurse told us that they hadn't expected him to live probably.  She told us because John asked her and wanted to know.  He then asked her if he was out of the woods, and she said not necessarily, but that they were giving him four antibiotics (three through IV and one orally) and that he had a good chance of making it.

Yesterday his fever came down (from being between 102.4 and 104.5 for days), so I asked the nurse last night if that meant he had turned the corner finally.  She stated that she didn't know.  So I am not really sure how he is doing.  But he is better than he was doing before, when he was just about unresponsive.  Now he can talk, and get up and go to the bathroom, although he needs some assistance some of the time.

The reason I am at home instead of at the hospital is because I come home nights because I need my CPAP machine.  It is vital that I wear it every night.  In the morning I go back to the hospital.  I prayed about it last night, and felt enough peace to leave the hospital, so I came home.

I also needed a break, they have me working some of the machines for the nurse, LOL, because they don't have enough staff I guess.  It is really insane and I get tired. 

I didn't want to leave because I asked John what the nurses would do if I wasn't there?  His machines would ding ding ding for an hour (because he is behind double doors and they can't hear the machines dinging so they can answer them when something is wrong).  

John told me he would just press the call button and tell the nurses his machines were dinging, and ask them to come stop them from dinging, and to fix the comparable problem that caused the dinging.  I told him that was all good and well, but what if he was asleep during the night, and didn't hear it?  He could have a problem with his IV port (or whatever it is called), or his things on his legs that prevent blood clots.  Or the machine that records blood pressure.  Arggghhhh.  Why would they wait an hour before checking up on him anyway?  Some shift nurses are better than others.  Some seem to wait longer than an hour to check on him.

At any rate, the oncologist was thinking of having John transferred to Hershey Medical Center by ambulance yesterday.  Then he changed his mind.  Now he is not sure.  We will see what happens.  One of the problems is John is getting close, very close, to needing blood again.  If he does need it, locally it will take three days to get it.  He won't have the time.  I asked them to order the blood yesterday, so they will have it when he needs it.  The nurse said they wouldn't in case John didn't need it.  If he doesn't need it, and doesn't use it, they would have to spill it, and it wouldn't be able to go to somebody else.  So they don't like to order the red blood cells unless it is imperative.

Well I will tell you what.  If they are wrong, and he DOES end up needing blood, he won't be able to get it in time.  He will go down hill VERY quickly.  I am frustrated by this.  I think they will have to send him to Hershey right away by ambulance or life flight.  The reason is because they can get blood the same day there, usually in about four hours.  In my small town it takes three days, LOL.  Actually it is not really funny.  So I am praying he doesn't need blood.

Okay, this is getting too long.  There are a lot of things I am probably leaving out, but I can't remember what they are.  I am feeling tired this morning, even though I slept. 

Oh, I haven't really told you how I feel yet.  Still worried, but WAY more peaceful.  Sometimes as I sit in the hospital chair I feel like I am fighting depression though - that it is trying to wash over me in waves.  But I fight it off, and it doesn't last for more than an hour usually.  I also feel exhausted because I have a lot of responsibility.  But I am with John 12 hours a day, at least, and will not leave his side, during those hours, except to get food.  I will have it no other way.  I am not going to stay away.  Well this morning I do have to come in late.  I need to get a prescription filled.  In case I end up going to Hershey in a day or two.

I am missing my cat terribly.  My parents took him, which was more than wonderful.  At night when I start to cry, reaching out for John and he is not there, I look for kitty to snuggle up with.  Then I realize he is not there either.  So I decide to be brave and not cry.  Besides, they are both in good hands.  And so am I.  God will take care of me.

Now this has gotten to long, and I need to get ready to go to the hospital. 

Love you all,

Krissy :)  

Sunday, November 25, 2007

john has been having fevers between 103 and 104

Hi.  Just a quick update.  John is at the local hospital.  It's not as good as his cancer/ bone marrow transplant center (Hershey Medical Center), but the quality of care seems to be pretty adequate at this local hospital.  We came into the Emergency Room there this morning when John had a fever of over 103.  The oncologists at both hospitals conferred and had a difficult time deciding which hospital to admit him into.  Finally it was decided that he was not stable enough to travel the two and a half hour ride to the better hospital, and that they would keep him local, and transfer him to Hershey if he took a sudden downhill dive.

I was pleased when John was admitted finally, and we found his nurse was somebody who had been following his case for years at another office, the office of his local oncologist.  Sara will be his nurse for over eight hours a day.  She knows a lot about bone marrow transplants and cancer so I feel so much better.  She also knows about John's kidney damage, that he was on dialysis, about neutropenia precautions, about when he should get blood, how he used to get seven bags of blood a day (red blood cell packs) and how to tell when he needs more, etc...  She is very up on his case and on hematology/oncology in general. 

So, how is John doing?  He hung between 103 and 104 degrees all day.  This was while they were filling him full of Tylenol.  They were very worried about him.  Finally later on tonight his fever came down some.  I can't remember how much, but some.

What's going on is this.  His ANC (absolute neutrophil count) is 0.06.  Like nothing.  So he finally caught a bacterial infection.  They are trying to find out which one.  Meanwhile, they are filling him full of fluids by way of IV pump and also giving him an IV antibiotic.  It is a broad spectrum one and should work on a lot of different bacterial infections.  Cultures were taken, and they take one to three days to grow.  After the results come back, then a different IV antibiotic will be given, one that is spefic to his particular bacterial infection.  He will either have the antibiotics switched, or be on two IV antibiotics. 

The last time this happened, if everything goes smoothly, he will be out of the hospital in a week.  That is usually the best case scenario. 

The reason I am home is because the hospital asked me to come home and get his eye drops and his Living Will.  I also had to get myself a diabetes shot, and one for Michael.  My parents then took Michael, bless their hearts, so I could spend more time with John.  If anything ever happened to John, I don't want not to have gotten the chance to say goodbye because I was home feeding the cat or giving him a shot.

So I am going back first thing in the morning.  Actually in a few hours.  I have not slept a lot tonight.  Yes, I do trust in the Lord, but I am a little scared.  I used to be pretty used to this, but when you haven't been through it in awhile, it's hard.  But I do feel relieved that he was doing a little bit better.  Earlier in the day he was so sick he couldn't talk, respond, or open his eyes. 

Okay, please pray for him.  And pray for me that I relax and try to sleep when I can.  And eat correctly.  I can't let myself get sick.

Alright, love you all.  If you don't hear from me in awhile, it means I can't get away from the hospital.  Then I'll give my password to my sister Val and let her update in this journal.



Saturday, November 24, 2007

John is off to the hospital

I'm a little scared.  John has a fever of 102.6.  And he has almost no immune system.  His ANC is 0.4.  That is just about 0.  Which means, well, he needs antibiotics before he, uhm, like, dies.  So I am only on here to ask you to pray.  We are heading to the hospital right now.  We're going local, and if the treatment there isn't enough for him, then he'll be transferred to Hershey Medical Center.  If it is enough locally, then he will be treated and released to home.  We will see what happens.

So please pray.  I will come back as soon as I can to update.  

Love you all, 


Friday, November 23, 2007

the meaning of the term Black Friday

Several of you have asked me why the name "Black Friday", as if the name were something dreay or dreadful.  Actually Black Friday is a term coined by retailers, and it is the day of the year that retailers usually finally move from being in the red (losses) to being in the black (profits).  So it is a good thing for retailers.  They are now making more money than they owe.

Black Friday, for retailers, is also an indicator of how Christmas sales will be for the year.  Here in America, there is some growth this year, but not as much as last year.  One of the reasons that there is not expected to be as much growth this Christmas season is because Thanksgiving began late this year, leaving less shopping days before Christmas.  This has some retailers worried.   

Some people mistakenly think that Black Friday is the busiest shopping day of the year.  In actuality, it is about the fifth busiest.  The busiest shopping days of the year are the two weekends before Christmas. 

By the way, the most popular gift that people are choosing to get for others this year for Christmas?




How do you spend your Black Friday?

Thanksgiving was great.  As I sit here at two am typing this up, I think back on the day.  There was great food (if I do say so myself, LOL), great friends, and a generally good time.  After we all ate we switched to some  important talk. 

Then suddenly one of them (Jennifer) asked where the ads for Black Friday were.  I told her to feel free to check our  newspaper.  Next thing you know, I was sprawled out on the couch (too much triptophan) and she was sprawled out on the living room floor with all the newspaper ads around her.  She asked for stickies (post it notes) to flag in the newspaper those items she was going to purchase.  She had planned on two stores already, that she was going to go to on Black Friday.

Shirley, John and my other friend, decided on another store she would go to.

Was I hearing correctly?

Shirley had just gotten done saying that last year, her son went to the local Best Buy (less than a mile from John and my home) at 4 am. on Black Friday.  When he got there at 4 am, there was already a line that was four blocks long.  But he got in the line anyway.  It was worth it to him, he says, because he was in the beginning of the line, and he ended up getting what he wanted for a good price.  But he did say however the wait was very long and he got very cold waiting in line.  But, he says, it was still worth it.  He could handle the four blocks and waiting hours and hours in the cold for the store to open.   

*Shuddering, and shaking my head here.* 

I feel sorry for my friends.  I am going to be home under the blankets tomorrow, watching TV, sipping tea and eating leftovers, and doing nothing but spending time with John, as is fitting for the day after Thanksgiving!

I'm just wondering, how do you spend your Black Friday?


Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving!


Happy Thanksgiving to you all!  And to you in the UK, may you have a blessed day also! 

I have so much to be thankful for this year.  John is at home and making a lot of progress physically.  I have a wonderful extended family and a wonderful life with John and my kitty.  I've got you all as friends.  I love my new home.  There are so many blessings I can't name them all.  The most important is my relationship with the Lord.

Now let me bring you some true facts!

              Turkey Fun Facts 

You say it one way, I say it another...

In English turkeys say "Gobble, Gobble, Gobble".  In Portuguese they say "Glug Lug Lug Lug Lug ..."

How the Turkey Got Its Name

There are a number of explanations for the origin of the name of Thanksgiving's favorite dinner guest. Some believe Christopher Columbus thought that the land he discovered was connected to India, and believed the bird he discovered (the turkey) was a type of peacock. He therefore called it 'tuka,' which is 'peacock' in Tamil, an Indian language.  Though the turkey is actually a type of pheasant, one can't blame the explorer for trying.

The Native American name for turkey is 'firkee'; some say this is how turkeys got their name.

Another possibility could be this.  When a turkey is scared, it makes a "turk, turk, turk" noise.

Fight Over the National Bird  


At one time, the turkey and the bald eagle were both considered as the national bird of America. Benjamin Franklin was one of those who argued that the turkey should be the national bird. Franklin felt the turkey, although "vain and silly", was a better choice than the bald eagle, whom he felt was "a coward".  

I hope you enjoyed these facts.  Now get back in the kitchen and cook!  Or if you're done, eat!


Krissy :)




Monday, November 19, 2007

monday morning question


What would you say are the three strangest items in your refrigerator right now?

My answer: 

marinated artichoke hearts

Nepro (a dietary supplement drink for people with kidney damage)

a bottle of Acidophilus capsules (that one is for John's health too, I am not exactly sure for what, LOL)  

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Sunday, November 18, 2007

this snow stuff isn't so bad

I am sitting here next to my bedroom window, watching as beautiful snow wafts down to the ground, in swirling patterns.  Actually, it's not really wafting, it's coming down pretty hard.  The ground looks like it is being sprinkled with confectioner's sugar, and the trees, especially the evergreen, look pretty with their dusting of snow.  Actually, it's coming down harder now, the roads are getting covered.  I look over at John.

"This is disgusting" John chortled.  "I don't care if it is pretty or not.  It's still a mess!"  I asked him why he cared if it were a mess, as if he had somewhere to go this morning.  He's not going to church today because his immune system isn't strong enough.  If he wanted to, he could curl up under the blankets and read books all day.  So I asked him what the problem was.  "I don't like snow.  It's sloppy, it's messy, it's slippery. It's a mess."

I think he better get an attitude adjustment real quick, LOL, or this is going to be a loonggggggg winter.  Oh, did I say winter?  Winter starts here in November and doesn't end sometimes until some time in April.  That's one of the perks of living here.

I, unlike John, am actually starting to adjust to the cold and the winter weather.  I didn't mind coming home last night in a little bit of snow, enough that John had to get out the snow brush/ice scraper and brush the car off before we could take off.  As we drove home in the snow, with the Christmas lights lighting up the town, I felt the excitement of the new season.  I'm starting to adjust to this colder season.  I think I can make it through the next four or five months now...  

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Thursday, November 15, 2007

describe me in one word

WHY NOT!!!!!!

The Game is on!!! And you're IT!

Describe ME in one word.....just one single word. Post it in my comment section. Then put the same request in your journal so we can visit you… and do the same thing… and see how many strange and interesting things they say about you.

Come on you know you wanna play, lol. Leave your link so I can come see.


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orange cranberry sauce

I wanted to share this recipe.  I got it from Monponsett about a week ago.  I made it with supper the other night and it's incredible.  John loved it.  Then I made it again (doubling the recipe) and took it to a Thanksgiving party.  It was a hit, and the only cranberry sauce that was gone by the time the party was over! 

Here's the recipe: 

1/2 cup orange marmalade 
2 tablespoons grated orange rind 
1 cup fresh orange juice (about 2 oranges) 
1/2 to 3/4 cup sugar (to taste) 
1 (12-ounce) package fresh cranberries (I use Ocean Spray) 


1.  Combine marmalade and orange rind and set aside. 

2. Combine juice and sugar in a medium saucepan; bring to a boil.

3.  Wash cranberries in a colander.  Add cranberries to juice and sugar mixture; return to a boil.

4.  Reduce heat; simmer for 10 minutes or until cranberries pop and sauce begins to thicken.

5.  Remove from heat; stir in marmalade mixture.

6.  Cover and chill.

What I did:  I left out the orange rind (don't hit me Monponset, LOL).  I also added ground cloves.  I can't tell you how much, I just sprinkled some in there.  I think the original recipe called for it anyway.  Just be careful, if you are going to use ground cloves in it go lightly, it is strong!  You don't want to overpower the orange cranberry sauce!

Consider making this on Thanksgiving, it's good!

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Wednesday, November 14, 2007

how do you feel about the title cancer survivor?

Here I am again, waiting about five days to write an entry.  I better hurry, I have someone coming over in fifteen minutes.

I hope my fonts aren't messed up again when I post.  That last entry was crazy.  The whole thing was supposed to be comic sans 14, LOL.  The whole thing messed up when I posted.  I am troubleshooting, and nothing is working.

At any rate, I have been so busy, I forgot to ask the Monday Morning Question this week.  I remember leaving it for this particular week as it was something real important that I wanted us all to consider.  Oh well.  I guess it couldn't have been too important though, because I can't remember what it was, LOL.  If I remember I'll ask it next week!

So, I have been extremely busy as always.  But the past two days I have taken out a little time for fun.  Last night I went to a writing workshop on freelance writing.  I found it more than fascinating.  There is a writer's group that meets in my town once a month to learn about writing and to network.  I think I will attend it.  There are even job leads.  I don't know if I want to do writing for a living in the future, but you never know. 

Another thing that I did that was a nice break was go to a Thanksgiving dinner.  Yes, our cancer association had ours early, LOL.  I am laughing because it is way too early but we did it anyway.  We had wonderful music.  We also honored Judy, the founder of the organization.  She passed away from cancer a few months ago.  It was hard but we got through it.

That reminds me of something.  The local cancer group leader was discussing with us the other day at our meeting that perhaps she didn't like the name of our group.  It has the words "cancer survivor" in it.  She said, some with cancer die, therefore they are NOT cancer survivors.  I was horrified.  How ludicrous.  That is not how I look at it at all.  Then I thought about it.  She is on the cancer board, and wants to help with cancer related issues, but she has a different outlook than most of the group members on LOTS of things from the rest of the  group.  This is because she has never had cancer, nor has she been a caregiver.  She doesn't know what it's like.

She was telling the board that we should really consider changing the name of our group (Cancer Survivors), as if those who have died are NOT cancer survivors.  That it is wrong to those with a terminal diagnosis, or those who are simply not sure if they will live, to call them survivors at any point in their illness.  To be hoenst, I was shocked, and kind of hurt.  First of all, who is to say who lives?  Secondly, who is to say what value that life has?  Thirdly, they are survivors in heaven.  That is what I believe.  They have always had that title, do NOT TAKE It away.

I asked John what he thought about the title Cancer Survivor.  By the way, John was told that there was NO WAY on earth that he could possibly survive when he was first diagnosed with cancer.  He was told this from his first cancer, when he had lymphoma, nine years ago.  He was told that the chemo would buy him five years, but that was it.  When he found out that he was a CANCER SURVIVOR, he said it brought him real hope!  He loved the title!  He was like, I won't die, here's pie in your eye!  Or at least I have a chance!  He said it gave him real hope!  And if he died, at least he had a title!  So there!

So I just wanted to know, you out there who are cancer survivors, and who are reading this, do you like the title?  How do you feel about it?       

And those of you who aren't cancer survivors, you can answer too.  Just curious.  What do you think of the title cancer survivor?  I'd like to know.  Maybe I'll pass the information on to her.  Without showing her the entry or names, of course.  Just a vote count.  Thanks.


11/14/07 12:25 pm  Edit:  OK, so somebody corrected me.  And was right.  You all aren't cancer survivors.  That's not the right term.  You're Survivors.  Sorry.

Krissy :)

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Sunday, November 11, 2007

Veterans Day

                  Today we celebrate Veterans Day

                Veterans, we won't forget you.

Would you like to reach out to a vet today?  Here are some things you could do: 
1.  Thank a vet.  (Could be family member, friend, etc.) 
2.  Go to a parade if there is one near you, and thank or wave to a vet.
3.  Pray for a vet today.
4.  Send a postcard to military personnel to show your support.  Just email in your information and a paper postcard will be mailed to a serviceperson.  To find out more about this, go to
                                     Let's Say Thanks
5.  If you are a vet or a serviceman, wear your military uniform to church on Veteran's Day if your pastor asks you to, so he can recognize you in front of the congregation.
6.  If you are a vet or a serviceman, wear your military medals on Veteran's Day..  To find out more about this project, click here:
                                       Veterans Pride
7..  If you have a serviceperson or veteran in your family, you may seriously want to consider getting involved in trying to help pass legislation that would benefit the vet you love.  Here are some issues that are of concern to servicepersons and/or veterans:
Advocate for health insurance for those vets who do not have it, and better insurance for those who do.  Things to advocate for:  The 2007 Legislature passed several bills, including: increased funding to the Veterans Home Board for providing personal care and building maintenance; financial assistance for higher education through the GI Bill; allowing those called to active duty to cancel service contracts (cell phone, health and fitness club membership, satellite television subscriptions and rental contracts) without penalty, and ensures that their energy stays on; funding for the National Guard Reintegration Program; funding for veteran health screening; funding for marketing veteran outreach programs; and free hunting licenses for soldiers returning from overseas in the past two years.
8.  Finally, here's something simple you can do.  This one's big where I live.  Just tie a yellow ribbon 'round the ol' oak tree.  Do it in support of the troops.  No matter how you feel about the war, the troops deserve to be supported.  When they come home, they deserve to be welcomed by us. 
             Take care and remember to honor your vet today!
               Love, Krissy

Friday, November 9, 2007

it's snowing

Michael, my cat, just tapped on the blinds in my bedroom.  That's what he does when he wants me to raise them, so he can look outside.  So I raised the blinds, and went back and sat down at my computer.  Michael likes to watch the birds outside the window, and the bird feeder is right outside the window.

That's when John called me to look outside.  "It's snowing!" he gasped.  I couldn't believe it.  I know it's cold in Central PA, but sheesh!

Sometimes I wonder if I am going to make it through this winter, and it is only November, LOL.  This year so far it has been particularly hard.  So cold, and I am not getting acclimated.  Usually, other years, the cold comes slowly and I get used to it.  This year, every day, I am just chilled to the bone.  I hope I will be able to adjust soon.  It doesn't matter how warm I bundle.

And now snow! 

Krissy :)

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Wednesday, November 7, 2007

it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

It was about a week ago when I first drove down my street (actually it was John driving) and I noticed all the Christmas lights lining the streets of my apartment complex.  The apartment owners had strung the trees with glowing lights.  I was taken aback.  The first week of November, and Christmas lights already?

Since then I have seen them all around the apartment complex.  Individual tennants have "gotten into the Christmas spirit" and hung their Christmas decorations also.  I have gone downtown, and seen them on houses there also.

I'm a little perplexed.  It's still a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving!  When I was growing up, you didn't do Christmas until after Thanksgiving.  At first it was much after.  And then it was the day after.  Now it's before! 

Another thing that's a little funny about my town.  After decorating for Christmas, we leave the Christmas lights up until April or May.  Even June!  Now that part I like!  It makes everybody a little more festive and nicer to each other, LOL!  

So how is it done where you live?  Are your Christmas lights and decorations already up in your town?  And if so, do you think it is too early?  As for me, it's way too early.  I plan on enjoying Thanksgiving first! 


Monday, November 5, 2007

monday morning question


Our question this morning comes from Kathy of A Little Left of Center II.  She will soon create  her family Christmas newsletter and wants to know if it is worth it.      

Kathy's question is:

I am getting ready to write my Christmas Newsletter and I was wondering:   "What Do People Think About Christmas Newsletters?"    Do they read them?  Toss them?  Think they are braggy?  Boring?
My answer is:
I love Christmas newsletters!  I do read them, and I don't think they are boring, nor are they like a form letter to me.  How could your family be boring?  And no they are not braggy.  And what if they are, LOL?  Go ahead, brag about your family!  Krissy :)
You're turn, what's your answer?

Friday, November 2, 2007

this is a test

This is a test per Malika.  This is only a test.

Krissy :)


you need not respond...

This is merely a test.  There is no need to respond to this, fellow journalers.  Malika of Magic Smoke has asked me to test font style and size in my journal, after clearing my footprints and cache, to see if the font would now display correctly (as my fonts have not been displaying correctly for the past couple of weeks).  I will now hit save and see what happens.  This entry will be deleted shortly.  On the other hand, if it does not turn out looking like comic sans 14, perhaps I will leave it in to show Malika.  Thanks Malika for helping me, you do a very hard job working for us.

Krissy :)


Thursday, November 1, 2007

in case i confused you...

I just wanted to let everybody know, especially those of you who have expressed your concern to me in a special way, that I am not depressed.  I guess some of you all misunderstood after the last entry.  While it has been a little overwhelming lately, I'm doing just fine!  I just wanted to let you all know what was up with me when I wrote that entry.

When I said in my previous entry,  "Sometimes I think the world is going too fast, and I just want to get off", I merely was trying to make a statement similar to this:

I feel like my life is a fast moving train.  It is going faster and faster.  I want it to slow down.  I want to jump off the train and go at a slower pace. 

I of course still want to participate fully in life, just at a slower pace.  Just not be on a train that is running out of control, heading for a train wreck, LOL. 

For anybody who thought I wanted to, oh sheesh, do something drastic, to be out of this world, to not be on this world any longer, to really get off for good, I'm sorry if I confused you.  I would NEVER do anything like that.  Okay, I'll just spit it out.  I'm talking about the S word here.  Suicide.  Yes, I did get asked about that.  Yikies, of COURSE NOT.  I am merely writing this entry in case anybody else was confused.  

I LOVE life.  I'm not depressed right now, I'm fine.  I'm just going through a lot.

Okay enough of this.  I hope this clarifies. 

John's fine too.  He's neutropenic again though.  His immune system is severely compromised.  There's no explanation. 

I don't know why I always talk about his health first.  There's a lot of good things going on in his life right now.  He is really enjoying doing his journal.  And lots of other things.

And I am enjoying lots of fun things too!  And work, LOL.  I had better get back to working on my apartment...

Love you all...

Krissy :)  

relationships are sometimes hard...

Wow, I haven't written since Monday.  I really hate when that much time gets away from me and I haven't written.  I've been so busy, though.  Sometimes I think the world is going too fast, and I just want to get off.

I've also been going through a lot.  Things beyond my control have really frustrated me.  I need to learn to relax, and realize that I can't do anything about things that are beyond my control.  That's something that's sometimes hard to do.

I've been doing it, but it's been draining me.  I'm holding on though.  I'm learning a lot and getting my footing.  A lot of it has to do with drawing boundaries in relationships.  Dealings with persons is hard for me at times.  I do better when I have to deal with things like whether or not John has a fever, or needs to go to the hospital, or something like that, LOL.  Something serious is sometimes easier for me to deal with than something lighter!  I can't explain why.  Maybe it is because I know I really have to rally everything I've got when something really serious needs to be taken care of.  I wish I was better able to do that when it comes to dealing with relationships...

Okay, I've got to get off of here.  It's getting late.  I guess it's past midnight.  I'm glad it's November already.  A new month for a new start.  I love that the holidays are coming up.  I love Thanksgiving and Christmas.  They are so beautiful to me.  I need to slow down enough to be able to celebrate them.  That's what I'll do...



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