I've Been Feeling Weepy

I'm sitting here wanting to write, and all that seem to come out of me are tears. I'm finding myself so weepy these past few days, and in turn feeling guilty for feeling this way. Why should I have the right to cry? After going through what John and I felt was such a close call for him, yet again, and then learning that John's cancer probably isn't back, I feel I should be jumping for joy, and don't have the right to have any other reaction. But it's hard for me to have my emotions so quickly yanked around -- yes, even if I'm feeling scared one day, and happy the next, due to good news. That probably doesn't make much sense to anyone, and I really am grateful that John is doing well, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Yet somehow I'm having trouble switching tracks and going back to being happy again. I imagine it's because I really don't know what to believe anymore, and I don't know what's going to happen next anymore, and I can't plan for anything. I'm so hyper vigilant -- almost waiting for the next shoe to fall.

Now I'm seeing it. I just need to relax, and take each day as it comes, making the most of that day. Then I'll never be disappointed... Because each day IS a good day...