Thursday, July 19, 2007

it's been stressful...

Ugghh, it is too early to be up!  I am often up this early, but, for some reason this morning, I am just so tired and I can't seem to get going. 

The reason I am up so early is b/c John has an appointment with Dr. Claxton in a litle while.  Yes, we are at Hershey again, LOL.  We got here yesterday.  Hopefully we will leave tomorrow.  If all goes well.  I think all will go well b/c John is looking and feeling a lot better than he did  two weeks ago. 

His fevers are gone (for now), but they will still want to figure out where the "fevers of unknown origin" came from.  John has been getting tests done and so far the tests have not shown the cause of the fevers.  

Dr. Claxton will probably do a bone marrow biopsy today, hopefully the LAST test in the serieies, John says (he is sitting next to me helping me write this). 

Okay, about John getting the biopsy.  Dr. Claxton has already said that it is very unlikely that the cancer has come back.  He is just doing the bone marrow biopsy because he has to be sure. 

Wait a minute.  This is weird.  I am sitting here calmly typing this, like it's no big deal.  Why?  I don't know.  What else am I going to do?  If anything is wrong, I can't change it.  Besides, we don't know there is anything majorly wrong.  Still on some level I am upset, or scared, or tired, or all of the above.  I'm fine, but I'm also all of the above.  Sometimes I wish I didn't have so much stress. 

I'm only telling you all this because I don't want you to be the last to know.  If it turns out he does have something serious, I
want you all to know, b/c you have been there from the beginning.  John and I debated at first whether we should say anything, until we knew what his diagnosis was.  But then we thought it would be better to just be open about what is going on.  Because you all deserve honesty.  Okay, I'll spit it out.  With these fevers of unknown origin, one third of the time it is b/c the cancer has returned.  

So Dr. Claxton has decided to do a biopsy.  At first Dr. Claxton  wasn't going to do it, b/c the last bone marrow biopsy had such stupendously good results (remember that?  it went to the Mayo clinic and it showed that John's chromosomes had even switched back to normal, and that he was 100% donor). 

But the biopsy before that one showed immature cells.  Which isn't good.  Rember that?  Remember at that time the oncologist said it must have been some medicine John was getting (Neupogen) that skewed John's test results, making it look like he had cancer when he didn't.    

Well, Dr. Claxton has decided to go ahead with the bone marrow biopsy.  Just in case their was an incorrect reading of the last biopsy which was very hopeful and showed remission.  In which case, horror against horror, his cancer is actually still here.  

Bust most likely the fevers are being caused by something else.  I think.              

The fevers could be caused by any number of things, but what's most likely is a viral infection according to Dr. Claxton.  He said that with a lot of viral infections, all you can do is let them run their course.  John is sitting here feeding me the information about the viral infection.  Funny, I don't remember Dr. Claxton saying that.  See what happens?  You hear the big C word and you get so scared. 

So in a little while we will be off to the hospital (we are staying at Hope Lodge).  John will get some lab tests done.  He is also going to have to get a "type and hold" b/c his red blood cell count is too low.  A "type and hold" is like a "type and cross match", which means John's blood is drawn, and the lab tests his blood to see what blood on hand would match John's blood.  If John's blood counts happen to be real low, this will mean he will need to get blood (some red blood cell packs) this trip.  Hopefully, it won't happen, and I doubt it will.  But it appears there has been a little downward trend in his counts.  He may start needing blood (red blood cell packs) again.  I hope not.  I hope the Hemolytic Anemia is not back.

What if I told you he looks really healthy, LOL?  HE DOES!  That is all I can say.  Just wanted to tell you everything.  Not throw it on you all the sudden w/o any explanation, later on.  If we would have to do something like that.  Let's all pray NOT.   

We'll keep you informed of everything that's going on.  The biopsy test results probably won't be back for three or four weeks. 

Switching subjects, the packing is exhausting us!  I never thought moving took so much.  Gee, I've done it before, but I don't remember it being this tiring!

I am also throwing out a lot of things.  Very emotional!  It feels like I am throwing out my life, LOL!

Changing the subject again, without a segue, LOL, I have wanted to tell you all about how the sleep apnea machine and my sleeping has been going.  And my daytime alertness (or lack thereof).  I just haven't had the time to post an entry about this.  I have had so much to do.  But I will post an entry.  If not in Hershey, then when I get back.  Probably when we get back home, b/c we are hoping to leave for home tomorrow.

Ok, must run, we are off to the hospital very soon.  Hope everyone is doing well. 

Love you all, Krissy :) 

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  1. Krissy and John, I do hope everything goes well and the tests results are negative.  I know what you are going through. My treatment is over but I now find I live in fear all the time, time of it returning, fear of more treatment.  I have awful radiation burns.  Seven weeks tomorrow since I finished radiotherapy and some of them are still there.  I know that being burned like this is not a good thing.  I have nagging doubts in my mind the whole time. When I did my journal entry today I seriously wondered whether I will be here this time next year to say it is the 4th anniversary of my journal.  Cancer wrecks your life in more ways than one.  I am never at ease anymore, I can never truly relax, never truly get my mind off it.  I take it to the Lord but I cannot stop my brain working and I have been so very depressed lately.  I will hold you in prayer. God bless you both.

  2. It must be stressful, Krissy, even more so because it is all out of your hands. You are totally dependent on the medics, on tests that take weeks to yield results. The possibilities with cancer are stark, too stark to actively contemplate.
    Good luck, also with the packing.

  3. Hi Krissy thanx for the update.It seems to be very complicated to follow .I am not suprized you are stressed out and with the moving too.That alone is one of the most stressful things there are.Getting rid of things is stressful too.Like you say you do feel you ar ethrowing away part of ones life,but I feel when all that is doen one does feel much better in th eend.I should know I have moved plenty this last five yrs or so.PHEW!! I am praying thousandfold for you both. For John's diagnosis to be good and your sleep results tooin the near future..I think you are a warrior too for taking all this stress on your plate and not being too well yourself.I do hope soon you can both have some sort of peace of mind and cuddle up together and sleep without having any worries much at all.You both deserve this so much.Take Care God Bless KATH

  4. My prayers are with you and John and may God bless you and wrap you in His arms with happiness. gg/Jackie

  5. Keeping both of you guys in my thoughts and sending good energy! I have all my fingers, toes, etc crossed that the doc is right and John just had a virus and you will both be home by the time you get to read this!

  6. midwestvintage7/19/2007 9:06 AM

     Beth of luck to the both of you.  I am hoping the biopsy goes well and comes back negative.


  7. My heart, and thoughts...are with you both.  I'm sorry you have to have all this stress so often.   May it continue to bring you strength and hope...


  8. praying for good results!

  9. I will be praying as always.  We must trust that whatever the results are they are what God thinks best.  He has a plan , we just don't know what it is.  Be thankful for today and live it to the fullest. Don't let the past or the future claim precious hours and moments that you can spend rejoicing in the present.  'On Ya' - ma

  10. I am glad you and John decided to keep us in the information loop on this testing.  That way we can pray specifically.  And I am.
    I am glad you are going to have a spot to plant stuff at your new abode and pray the moving will all be good.  I am eager to hear how you are doing with the sleep.
    loving you

  11. Krissy you and John are always kept in my prayers.  Hears wishing John good results with his tests.  He's a lucky guy to have you there supporting andloving him so. Moving isn't any fun time for any of us, don't let it bring you down dear.   Hubby is doing better with his sleep apnea machine over here, took a good month before he started to become more comfortable with it.  Take care..prayers being sent John's way.   Arlene (AJ)

  12. Watch the Gazette. Tammy

  13. Keeping you both in my prayers.

  14. Praying for the best...thank you for the update.


  15. Krissy, how exhausted you must be!!  I got exhausted and a twinge in my tummy just reading this... You know I am here for you two.  Thanks for the phone call yesterday.  I was taking a long nap.  Slept until midnight, actually.  I am trying to catch up on sleep.  Dad is mistaken that I didn't contact Dr. Williams, and I will have to explain this to you.  I DID fill out the form and send it in.  He should have my records.  I just need to call for an appointment when he sets up his new office.  Hey, you are the BEST worrying about me... I will come see you soon, love.  Hug John for me... I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

  16. Continuing to pray for both of you.

    God Bless

  17. firestormkids047/19/2007 1:51 PM

    You are certainly in my prayers guys.  I love you so.  I miss you and will be calling soon.  In Jesus, Penny

  18. you poor thing, you two have been through so much. Just hoping the biopsy comes out good. I hate packing and moving, Hate it. Hope your feeling ok.


  19. I just know the biopsy will come back just fine.  After all you two have been through it better be ok.  Thank you for being so honest and taking the time to let us know what is going on.  You have my prayers and my thoughts are always with you.  Love you lots..........Myke

  20. Sending lots of virtual hugs; hugs are a good stress buster. Also sending my support and love to you both.
    Don't mention moving - we haven't got another place yet, but I'm running around in circles already, making lists of "to do's" and mental notes of what to get rid of. We've decided it's time for a clear out - 41 years is a long time for a couple of hoarders lol. Everything and anything that's "going to come in handy" is off to the local tip.
    Take care my special friend.
    Sylvia xxxx

  21. irisheyes19297/19/2007 6:26 PM

    I'm praying for you both very hard.  I love your stiff upper lip attitude that keeps shining through!  Many Blessings to Jesus through Mary,

  22. I'm hoping you both get good news from that biopsy.  Take care.


  23. Krissy, it is just like you to put yourself last.  I want to hear about your sleep apnea and etc.  I wish you didn't have to go back to Hershey right now, but catch anything sllightly irregular right away, after all, I don't think the doctors can be too careful with John.  Keep us all posted.  I hope all goes well, but you may never find a reason for the "fevers of unknown origin."  Or you might. Either way, I am praying for both of you. And sending you lots of hugs and love!

  24. praying all goes well:)


  25. Always good to catch up on John's condition, which of course you share.  You're a team and a strong, healthy one at that.  Marrow biopsies are those great early warnings we all need if we've been in cancerville for any reason - this you guys know well.  Just wanted to thank you for your visits, which I always enjoy, and send you my most powerful prayers of healing and happiness, no matter what the outcome of needed tests.  Love you madly, xoxo CATHY

  26.     Much luck and much love. You guys are always in my prayers.

  27. Thanks for letting us know...
    Hope it all turns out well!

  28. Hope it all turns out well^^
    Best wishes

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  29. heavenlybama7/27/2007 9:58 PM

    Praying all goes well.  Keep us updated.


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