Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Maybe John has Cancer Again

It's going to be another trip to Hershey, PA today --  tomorrow my husband John will be seen in the Hershey Medical Center, Cancer Clinic.   

A few things are going on with John physically.  And it is hard for him in other ways too.  He's undergone a lot of stress.  And to say I haven't gone through a lot of stress also, would definitely be an understatement...

John and I are leaving for Hershey, PA, in a few minutes.  We want to leave early enough so that we'll be at the American Cancer Society Hope Lodge soon. We want  go to bed early, and be fresh in the morning, as John's first  appointment is very early. 

At 8 am, John and I are expected in the Infusion Room, directly above the Cancer Clinic.   John will get labs done in the Infusion Room.
Many things go on in The Infusion Room beside getting labs done.  Some cancer patients get chemo while in the Infusion Room (John has had over 90 rounds of chemo), while other cancer patients get cells (cells from white cells in plasma), that will strengthen their immune system.  This process is called getting IVIG.  IVIG stands for Intravenous Immunoglobulon. IVIG is given to cancer patients to strengthen their immune system, because as I stated, they don't have one.  That's because after a bone marrow transplant, some BMT patients immune systems go away, and some never even ever return.  It doesn't happen often, but it does happen.  So having low antibodies, and not getting his immune system back, did happen to John, of course, LOL.
I said "of course"
because John just keeps keeps getting unusual and far more rare complications than most other BMTers.  It keeps happening, inevitably, year after year.  Maybe the complications are finally slowing down.  I do hope so! Especially for John's  sake.

Because I want him to be more confident that he can relax some, that he can embrace life to it's fullest, to be more secure, and to just love life! I want him to really step out and live his life now.  

Being confident and secure is somebody John has always was, but has had a little bit of trouble being this way, during this last cancer he's had. I mean this third blood cancer John's had.  Actually, I'm not sure if he is on his second or third blood cancer right now.  I've heard two doctors say he had three cancers. The cancers were Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma, MDS (preleukemia), and AML (leukemia).  Some of the other hem/onc doctors said he had the first two cancers but not the leukemia. Dr Claxton, His blood cancer doctor says he had NHL (lymphoma), MDS (bone marrow cancer and preleukemia), and Leukemia.  I am going with what Dr Claxton says, as that is his Dr, and he has known him the longest and the best... He told us this just a few months ago, that he had all three of these cancers, and that at that time about four months ago -- that all four cancers were in complete remission!  Like he thought, 99% John wouldn't be coming out of remission anyway!...  So why didn't I tell you all yet?  I don't know, I just wanted to be sure or something... Make sure I heard him correctly or something... I know I heard him correctly, Dr Claxton I mean, but I  just wanted to ask him a few questions first, before I announced it to you, my friends, and to the world!!

Anyway, getting back to John, my beloved husband, the physical things my husband has gone through, all the cancers (especially the last two), all his chemo treatments and the bone marrow transplant, all his complications and their treatments -- these physical things that can make a person a little shaky (even if it's subconscious), I think could hold someone back a little in life.  He hasn't told me that any illnesses of his are doing that to him.  But I do wonder at times if it happens.  I do know that he is in CKD3 (that's Chronic Kidney Disease Stage 3), and that comes before needing permanent dialysis and a kidney transplant (if you're able to find a kidney).  And then there's the thing of his antibodies not being high enough (I'm wondering if this is in the back of his mind, I don't know if it is or not, he doesn't share his health with me too often as he thinks it will make me scared and upset), and if John believes his antibodies aren't working well, that his immune system won't function well enough, even with the artificial boost that it's often given (the IVIG), which could cause him to catch something and die.  He wouldn't have to catch something too serious to die...

On the other hand, John, while going through all this, and even considering it, at the same time, does have a pretty fantastic attitude.  My John has always pulled for life.  My john has always pulled for survival.Each and everyone of us reading this know this.
 So once again, he will go on, fighting anything that could possibly try to harm his body, anything that could possibly mess with his mind, anything that would momentarily dampen his spirits.  My John, our John, is a Survivor, and will always be a Survivor!  Long live the Survivor!  

So after John's 8 am appointment in the Infusion Room, John and I will be headed downstairs to the Cancer Clinic to see Dr Claxton, John's hematologist/oncologist (blood cancer doctor).     

One of the reasons we're going is because John has had numerous complications lately.  And one of them is fevers.  They have gone on for months.  And night sweats.  Anybody who has had cancer before knows what fevers and night sweats almost always mean.  And they know what they mean if they return.  

Fevers and night sweats mean Cancer.  Fevers and night sweats returning mean the possibility of cancer returning.  But then who knows.  We'll see.  I guess it could go 50 50. Please pray.  We have been up to Hershey three times in the past four weeks.  I just don't know.  Please pray.  Yes, I know this is sudden and direct.  I never did beat around the bush, did I, LOL.  I always thought it was much better to get to the point, then we could pray, etc.  Thanks for the prayers.  Got to run,

love you from the bottom of my heart,  your krissy :)  

Friday, April 6, 2012

Good Friday

Good Friday

Does Jesus really love you?  I say look to how He agreed to be crucified.  Look at the old rugged cross. Look at every thorn that punctured His brow.  Look at every mark on His back, every lacerating scourge.  Notice every hair of His beard plucked from His cheeks by cruel fingers.  Consider every bruise which heavy fists made upon His head. Jesus said, "I love you" by all the spit that landed on His face. By every drop of sinless blood that fell to the ground.  Jesus showed His love for you through every breath of pain which He drew upon the cross. By every beat of His loving heart, Jesus, while dying on the cross, stretched out his arms, and said, "I love you this much."  Then He died for you.
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