Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Writer's Block

"Writer's Block -- A phenomenom involving temporary loss of ability to begin or continue writing, usually due to lack of inspiration or creativity.

That's what John says I have. Writer's block. What do I think? Perhaps. But not in the traditional sense, I don't think. I don't lack inspiration or creativity. And I certainly haven't been lacking things to write about.

Yes, I realize I haven't written in about three weeks. And I couldn't figure out why. There has been so much I have wanted to write about, so much I have wanted to tell you all. So many interesting things that have been going on in my life. So much I have learned. And so much that has happened. Some good things, and so many not so good things...

And I think therein lies the problem. The desire to include the not so good things along with the good things. I want to include those things along with the good things that have been going on, and the great things. Because they also are part of the story. My story. Let me digress for a moment.

A lot has gone on in my life since October 2008. Perhaps September 2008. I suppose that is when I had some major changes happen, both in my life and in my mindset. Wow, that's been almost six months now. I've wanted to tell you all about it.

So why haven't I? I sat down for the past few days and asked myself, now why haven't I been writing? I mean really writing? And when I do, why does it appear to be somewhat superficial? The answer finally came to me.

And the answer is pretty simple. John (my husband) has had health issues again. Don't worry, he's still in remmission from the two cancers he had. But he's had lots of complications as of late. From late September 2008 until now, he's been sick. I'm going to be straight forward with you. We almost lost him twice recently. Maybe more than twice.

And since October 2008 John has had pneumonia with fevers. It appears finally, perhaps, it may be clearing up. Maybe. In the past few days, his fever has been normal for the first time since October. It looks like this particular antibiotic is working!

But he's not out of the woods. His kidneys are giving him more trouble than they were previously. I believe he had about 35% kidney function until recently -- now I believe it's about 25%. That means the man is walking around with about 1/4 kidney function. That's both kidneys. Wow.

Don't get me wrong. He's not so disabled he's lying around in bed all day. He does do things every day. His condition doesn't stop him from doing every day things -- he just does them a little slower than the average person. He doesn't lay around in bed all day, however. But he does take naps -- one or two a day.

He also has a weakened immune system, and is going to get something called IVIG, probably in the next week or two . I'll tell you more about that more in the next few days when I know more. I'm a little nervous. The last time he got it, he ended up in the ICU at Hershey Medical Center (his bone marrow transplant center). So I'm somewhat apprehensive. I'll let you all know when that takes place...

So what does all of this have to do with Writer's Block? Everything!

I was told by a couple of bloggers to stop writing about John unless his condition was positive...

That's correct. They told me not to write if I didn't have positive things to say about John and what was going on with him. They said it would be too upsetting to you all if he wasn't in good health, and you just wouldn't want to know if he wasn't...

So to make a long story short, I merely stopped writing.

John is a large part of my life, as is what happens to him, so I just stopped writing rather than choose to leave him out of what I was writing about on a daily basis. It was a subconscious decision really -- I didn't realize what I was doing, and I didn't realize why I couldn't write until a few days ago. At first I was just going to write, not mentioning John, but still mention other areas of my life. But I thought tht would be superficial. I guess writing nothing at all was pretty superficial in and of itself, now that I think about it. But I thought it was what everyone wanted.

Until I talked to John. He said, "Krissy, you write. I believe most want to hear what you have to say. say. Whoever doesn't, doesn't have to read it. Besides, I do think they want to hear about what's going on with me." So tonight I'm coming back to write, and I'm including John in what I have to say. I should have done that all along...

And for that I'm sorry. I will start writing again. The good, the bad, the average, the interesting, the ugly, and the fun! All of it. Stay tuned for an interesting and sometimes bumpy ride!

Have you all missed me? I've missed you very much! Krissy :)

22 comments:

  1. Of course you are missed and yes, you missed the whole point of journaling. Day to day happenings that you record about your life...
    We want to hear from you and be able to pray and send wishes of support to you both. I'm glad John had the wisdom to tell you to write and now I hope you continue. 'On Ya' -ma

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  2. have missed you soooo much!

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  3. You've been gone so long, who are you again? Lol!
    Have a great day!

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  4. Hi Krissy,
    I have missed you too!
    I had 'writer's block' half way thru when I was trying to write my first book in 1995 which was very frustrating. I guess that "good" quality writing was more difficult than I thought it would be, and I was just starting to write about some traumatic stuff that happened in my life after a divorce and PTSD/ homelessness. And I had just been called back to Chrysler after a long lay off of 5 years.

    Hugs,
    Tom S
    tschuckman@aol.com
    Jesus is Lord

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  5. Sissy, don't listen to the couple who say something rude. They are superficial. And not writing was NOT superfiecial. You needed a break. I realized I have needed a break from There is a Season for a few reasons. I am just figuring them out now. I am hopefully going to post tomorrow. It is soooooooooo good to see you post. BTW, your header looks fabulous! I LOVE YOU!! Keep writing! Love, your TBADT xoxox

    Valerie
    my main blog:
    There is a Season
    for Jokes, Quotes and Inspiration follow me here!:
    Joy in the Rain

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  6. Dear Krissy...
    I am so glad to see you again! I'm sorry John has not been well for such a long time.
    Well done to him for encouraging you to carry on writing too! This is your journal to write as you see fit. I'm sure you were hurt by the remarks of those two readers and I feel that was so cruel of them. It is always better to allow your innermost thoughts and worries out and why not in your own journal with caring friends?
    Keep on writing Krissy. True friends will hang around to lift and encourage you through those struggling times which you both seem to be going through lately.
    I hope all goes well with him during his treatment. My prayers are with you both.
    God bless.
    Jeanie xxxx

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  7. I can't believe someone told you not to write about John's condition if it's not so good. I want to read what you have to say...good AND bad!! Please keep writing sweetie. I've missed you.
    xoxox

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  8. Poohpooh on people who think that YOU have to constantly elevate OUR spirits. I know what you mean about feeling like you are harping on the same string always. I have that same feeling often, and procrastinate in the writing area unless I can find something upbeat to say.

    However, those of us who know/love you and John do need to know what is going on in your life to be able consistently to make coherent prayers for your well being. We can always say "God, be with my friends," but it is better to be able to say "God, be with Krissy and John as he fights pneumonia, etc."

    Just go ahead and write. You can always save (not post) if you don't want us to see what you have written. Then you can cut and paste what you would actually like us to see into your actual post.

    :^) Jan the Gryphon
    http://gryph-wotd.blogspot.com/

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  9. Last September when AOL journals were coming to an end, there was someone who reached out to me when I was totally lost on how to transfer to blog land. This person had so very much on her plate, dealing with family illness and her own personal things, yet she still stopped to help me, and took time looking into things for me. That person was you Krissy, I truly love your journal, you have always came to my support with my journal and my own personal things in my life. Our journals are owned by us, we are free to write as we please in them. One better place to open up about John and yourself, than right here in Journal land, where you both are loved by so many. I am so happy to see you writing again. By all means write about John and his progress or lack of it, we all wish to know so that we can offer support. For me, I feel those who told you, dont write about John unless there is something positive, are truly lost and very misguided. They have no right to tell you what to put in your blog. I personally have problems writing about myself, but many here do so and I always enjoy hearing what others have to say. Many here as you and John are are like an extended family, and as a family we love to know if you are both okay. Welcome back and I for one will look forward to reading your journal again. God bless you both.

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  10. krissy,if ever anyone says to you you shouldnt write about john may i offer you this handy phrase to tell them?? 2 words,second is off.its YOUR journal,YOUR life,YOUR husband.so you write what you like hun.you take care,love mort xxx

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  11. Krissy dear, I can't believe a few of your blogger people said don't write unless you have something positive to say about John's health, they need to live in the real world not fantasy land. We all have up and down days and things going on in our lives with our loved ones and true friends want to know how we are doing, be it good news or not, they are there for us without judging each other thru thick and thin times. Will keep John in my prayers as well as you dear, any time you need to talk you know how to reach me. Take care, keep blogging, your true friends are here for both of you. Bless you, keep safe with all the bad weather that has been hitting your area. Love you both.

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  12. Krissy....honey..I love your journal..please keep writing it has to be very theraputic for you to vent your fears and concerns to friends!
    give John a big get well hug for me (a gentle one) and don't pay any attention to those who tell you not to write about him..they don't care.
    hang in there

    Melanie

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  13. shame on those who tell you not to write unless it is positive...shame shame shame. you go ahead and write your heart out, that is what we're here for, to help you through the rough spots. but we don't know what the rough spots are unless you write about them. know what I mean?

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  14. Yes, I've MISSED you! And as for writing, I try not to write much when I'm not feeling very positive in life due to others feeling I'm not very positive. You know what, sometimes we just need to whine, vent, cry or release some not so positive stuff so we can get back to that positive state. Write what you please this is YOUR blog! You might notice, I haven't been the most positive in a few entries myself. ::sigh:: Keeping you and John in my prayers.

    Monica

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  15. (((Krissy))) you write what you want and don't let anyone tell you not to write those things about John/his health; that is a very big important part of you life so it would be natural that you would want to write about it and share it with others.

    so sorry its been a tough time for the two of you; thanking the Lord it looks like John might be on the mend!

    (I'm taking a break from journaling, but I'll check in when I can if you post anything over the next month or so when I'm gone :)

    betty

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  16. Krissy,
    Those who only write about the good stuff, and not the "real" stuff, are usually too worried about losing the shallow readers who only want to be entertained. Those bloggers probably only meant to help, so I don't really blame them, but they're wrong about your journal.
    YOU don't need to worry about running your readers off; you are REAL, and so are your readers. Your readers aren't here simply because we want to be entertained; we care about you and John, and worry about you when you go "missing." There are many shoulders here to lean on.
    Definitely give yourself a break from writing when you need it (and it sounds like you did!), but please don't be afraid to write bad things because you're worried about US--write what YOU need to write.
    And we will be praying for you both.
    --Amy (aka CatholicRose)

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  17. Yes, I miss you and John and Valerie too... :)
    Of course I want to hear about how you guys are... Every time we hear of another obstacle John has conquered, we witness another miracle... I know blogger isn't the same as AOL but it's the words that we read of the friends we have known for years....
    Always special thoughts for you both...
    Have a blessed Sunday!

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  18. I guess if you do not have anything to write about, you can write about that. Funny, I never thought about it like that.

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  19. kathryn@chrisbrogan.com2/10/2009 7:40 AM

    You know what to write about - trust your instincts ;) I would think that learning from someone who lives with another with health issues, and deals with them on a daily basis, is important.

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  20. Was wondering whether all was well, Krissy. I find it ridiculous that people only want to hear from you if John is well. All your regular readers know that John's health is very brittle, and will want to know all developments - up or down. Write about what you want to write about, and don't write just to please your readers.

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  21. Oh Krissy, you write about whatever you want to, not just the good things. I think journals can be very therapeutic for the writer and the reader wants to read the whole story, not just the lighter moments. Life just isn`t like that. Take care and I`m glad John`s doing well.

    Love and Hugs

    Sandra xxxx

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  22. Krissy,
    Yes, I have missed your writting. Write what is real. If people don't want to hear it then they aren't worth worrying about.

    I love you, Krissy!
    Merry

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