Writer's Block

"Writer's Block -- A phenomenom involving temporary loss of ability to begin or continue writing, usually due to lack of inspiration or creativity.

That's what John says I have. Writer's block. What do I think? Perhaps. But not in the traditional sense, I don't think. I don't lack inspiration or creativity. And I certainly haven't been lacking things to write about.

Yes, I realize I haven't written in about three weeks. And I couldn't figure out why. There has been so much I have wanted to write about, so much I have wanted to tell you all. So many interesting things that have been going on in my life. So much I have learned. And so much that has happened. Some good things, and so many not so good things...

And I think therein lies the problem. The desire to include the not so good things along with the good things. I want to include those things along with the good things that have been going on, and the great things. Because they also are part of the story. My story. Let me digress for a moment.

A lot has gone on in my life since October 2008. Perhaps September 2008. I suppose that is when I had some major changes happen, both in my life and in my mindset. Wow, that's been almost six months now. I've wanted to tell you all about it.

So why haven't I? I sat down for the past few days and asked myself, now why haven't I been writing? I mean really writing? And when I do, why does it appear to be somewhat superficial? The answer finally came to me.

And the answer is pretty simple. John (my husband) has had health issues again. Don't worry, he's still in remmission from the two cancers he had. But he's had lots of complications as of late. From late September 2008 until now, he's been sick. I'm going to be straight forward with you. We almost lost him twice recently. Maybe more than twice.

And since October 2008 John has had pneumonia with fevers. It appears finally, perhaps, it may be clearing up. Maybe. In the past few days, his fever has been normal for the first time since October. It looks like this particular antibiotic is working!

But he's not out of the woods. His kidneys are giving him more trouble than they were previously. I believe he had about 35% kidney function until recently -- now I believe it's about 25%. That means the man is walking around with about 1/4 kidney function. That's both kidneys. Wow.

Don't get me wrong. He's not so disabled he's lying around in bed all day. He does do things every day. His condition doesn't stop him from doing every day things -- he just does them a little slower than the average person. He doesn't lay around in bed all day, however. But he does take naps -- one or two a day.

He also has a weakened immune system, and is going to get something called IVIG, probably in the next week or two . I'll tell you more about that more in the next few days when I know more. I'm a little nervous. The last time he got it, he ended up in the ICU at Hershey Medical Center (his bone marrow transplant center). So I'm somewhat apprehensive. I'll let you all know when that takes place...

So what does all of this have to do with Writer's Block? Everything!

I was told by a couple of bloggers to stop writing about John unless his condition was positive...

That's correct. They told me not to write if I didn't have positive things to say about John and what was going on with him. They said it would be too upsetting to you all if he wasn't in good health, and you just wouldn't want to know if he wasn't...

So to make a long story short, I merely stopped writing.

John is a large part of my life, as is what happens to him, so I just stopped writing rather than choose to leave him out of what I was writing about on a daily basis. It was a subconscious decision really -- I didn't realize what I was doing, and I didn't realize why I couldn't write until a few days ago. At first I was just going to write, not mentioning John, but still mention other areas of my life. But I thought tht would be superficial. I guess writing nothing at all was pretty superficial in and of itself, now that I think about it. But I thought it was what everyone wanted.

Until I talked to John. He said, "Krissy, you write. I believe most want to hear what you have to say. say. Whoever doesn't, doesn't have to read it. Besides, I do think they want to hear about what's going on with me." So tonight I'm coming back to write, and I'm including John in what I have to say. I should have done that all along...

And for that I'm sorry. I will start writing again. The good, the bad, the average, the interesting, the ugly, and the fun! All of it. Stay tuned for an interesting and sometimes bumpy ride!

Have you all missed me? I've missed you very much! Krissy :)