Thursday, June 23, 2005

Thurs. is appointment

Tomorrow (Thursday) John and I go to the Physician's Assistant (she is filling in for his oncologist) to talk about what comes next in his treatment concerning the Myelodysplasia.  Gee, the whole thing seems so daunting and ominous.  I feel like from this day forth our lives will never be the same.  I KNOW our lives will never be the same.  I want to turn back, turn back.  But there is no turning back.  I want him to get help, but I also want to pretend like none of this is happening, and I just want to turn back the clock.  

I have been having a rough time these past few days.  First I was in shock.  Then I became more positive and adjusted and proactive.  Now I am slipping some and getting a little depressed.  Such a gamut of emotions.  I don't want to be depressed.  It really scares me.  I see myself staring blankly sometimes, just not wanting to deal with things.  Lacking concentration.  I just CAN'T do that, I have to be here to help John get the best care.  And I have to take care of myself also.

It has also been hard because John has been having complications from the kidney stone operation he had last Friday.  And I have had to be by his side 24/7.  We have been housebound for most of the time except we went to the park once, and for doctor's appointments.  It is hard to be in the house all the time!  I need to be by his side every second in case he has to go to the Emergency Room.  And this could go on for another week or two.  Oh well. 

I should make this something else besides just a health journal.  Hmm, let's see what else is new?  Well, my sister Therese woke up this morning (Wednesday) paralyzed from the waist down and was life flighted to a hospital and operated on this morning.  I am not sure of her condition.  Oops, I guess that is another health situation.

Okay, sorry.  I just asked John for some good news to put in here.  He told me to tell you all that his Mom (73 years old) has moved in with his foster sister Darla and is very happy now!  They are very happy together!    

I love life, I really do!  And I love the Lord!  I am hanging in there.  

Well, lots of love to everyone.  I will let you know how the appointment went after I come back from it.

All my love, Krissy           

17 comments:

  1. ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

    the title is sometimes I think.. so what ever you are thinking on feel free to put it here.. I will still read : )

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  2. ohh Krissy....please know  I'm thinking of you and John.
    sending my hugs to both of you.
    Gem
    http://journals.aol.com/libragem007/JournallyYours

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  3. I keep you in my thoughts and Prayers. I can't even imagine what you are going thru with your new Husband!!!

    Carolyn
    http://journals.aol.com/shelt28/MyLife

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  4. Hugs Krissy,
    I continue to pray for you and John. I know the feeling about wanting to turn back the clock, and pretending.
    Sounds like you have some good Dr.'s
    Take care

    Kate

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  5. Krissy..you hang in there. There are a lot of us pulling for you and John.Take one step at  time. Remember this is your journal.for you to do and vent as needed..does that sound familiar...I think it was you once who said that to me. I am here to isten or talk  what ever you need at the time. Many more prayers for you and John......Kasey

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  6. This emotional roller coaster ride is no fun, I know.  And sadly, there are no answers, really.  You are staying focused on your faith, and that is helpful.  You have SO much going on in your life, and you are an amazing person.  John is so lucky to have you!  Do let us know what is next...JAE

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  7. I know how overburdened I become due to my back pain.  I want to just shut it out and not tell people what I'm thinking and experiencing.  The effect it can have on me when someone close to me is stricken with a turn in health.  It helps to know that there are people who care no matter what.   -    Mark

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  8. promiseluv3726/23/2005 11:40 AM

    Krissy,
    Going back and forth with your emotions is totally natural.  I go from thinking positive to crying my head off..
    My prayers are still with you both!  Please keep me informed.
    All my luv,
    Promise

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  9. Krissy, its okay to just shut down for the day and cry.  I think its healthy to do so, to relieve the stress.  Perhaps you and John should both try it, just shut the doors, unplug the phone and have a good ole pity party.  Goodness knows if anyone deserves it, its you two.  Once you get it out of your system you can regroup.  The road ahead is a tough one, but you have each other, you have your strong faith, and you have your friends... out there and in here.  You can do it.

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  10. It must be so tough for you being there, worrying about John as you do.  It is okay to feel sad and fragile and to have a good cry sometimes.  I hope so much that John will get better very soon and that he will recover quickly from his operation.  Take good care of yourself, I`ll be thinking of you both tomorrow.

    (((((((big hugs)))))))

    Sandra xxxx

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  11. jules196420016/23/2005 2:47 PM

    hope John and Therese feel better soon. It is hard being there 24/7 and I think you are wonderful and I am sure it is much apreciated. Women do anything for the people we love and it is so obvious that you and John are so in love. I will pray that things get better for you ................Jules xxx
    http://journals.aol.co.uk/jules19642001/Itsmylife/

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  12. Your journal is about what is going on in your life...and health stuff is IT right now. And holy COW about Therese! Keep us posted.

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  13. sarajanesmiles6/23/2005 5:50 PM

    Oh no, poor Therese!  Please let us know how she is doing Krissy.
    Hugest ((((()))))'s to you and John.  
    How was the appointment?  
    You are taking good care of John, but make sure you take care of you too honey.
    Sara   x

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  14. John is lucky to have you and you are lucky to have John too!  It's ok to turn this into a health journal.  That's what's happening to you right now and it is very therapeutic to open up and display your feelings.  Once you do that, you release a lot of the emotion and then the emotion is not as intense and you can "go on".  Plus, you have us J land folks who care about you and will pray for you and keep you in their hearts.
    Take care and I hope you and John can have a nice weekend with few worries.
    Sonya

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  15. Oh, and I didn't mean to forget to say something about your sister Therese.  Is she ok????  How scary this must be for her to have this happen.
    Sonya

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  16. Krissy,

    I know all of this feels overwhelming.  I KNOW God has both of you in the palm of his hand.  I KNOW he cares what you are facing.  I pray for you both to have peace in all of your situations.  Hang on and keep the faith.  Lots of your J-Land are standing in the gap for you praying for you both!

    Blessings!
    Susan
    http://journals.aol.com/Smjr43/Colorado

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  17. Thinking of you and your family.
    Best,
    Judith
    http://journals.aol.com/jtuwliens/MirrorMirrorontheWall

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