What will be revealed?

So tomorrow (Thursday) is the big day.  The day John will find out if the Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma has returned.  I am going to go with him to his appointment.  For some reason I think everything will be fine.  I don't know, maybe I am just numbing myself.  But I really don't think it is back.  If it is, I don't know what I will do.  It will hit me like a ton of bricks.  I can't say that I won't freak out momentarily.  Not like throw a crazy fit right there in the oncologist's office, but like freak out inside.  I have had numerous people say "Well, it will be easier for you this time if you find out he has it, because you have been through it before."  What kind of crazy statement is that???  To think that he is totally over it, only to find it has returned?  How would that be easier???  To me that is just plain crazy.  I know that I would know what would go on in chemo and everything, but I also know he would go through such suffering.  I just don't want either of us to have to go through that kind of suffering right now.  Actually, I will accept whatever God allows to happen to us, but I don't see how cancer will be easier a second time around.  Okay, enough said.  I am perhaps worrying for nothing, the oncologist might say all is good and well tomorrow.  Anyway, when people say things to help you out, they really do mean well, they just don't know what they are saying sometimes!  

So tomorrow I am also going with John to the hospital to get an X-ray taken in preparation for his procedure on Friday to have his kidney stones blasted.  Since finding out about the kindney stone procedure I have talked to numerous people who have had relatives who have had the procedure.  I don't know if I mentioned it but they submerge part of you in water and then thump you to break up the stones.  They had to do an EKG to make sure his heart was up to par, and take some chest X-rays.  That made me a little nervous.  But my Mom said that was a good thing because they were being cautious about making sure everything was well before they did the procedure.  Anyway, as I was stating, I ran into several people with relatives who had this procedure.  Some of them had mild bruising on their backs, while others had backs that were totally bruised up.  It should be interesting to find out what will happen to John.  And then he could be passing the pieces of stones for up to a week.

You know, I am not as concerned about the bruising as I am about John going under anesthesia.  It is probably silly but I don't like it.  I have been told that I am silly - that it is common to have general anesthesia, that it happens all the time - but I still don't like it.  I guess it is because I feel vulnerable right now because he is going to get the results on whether or not he has cancer tomorrow.  I am perhaps overprotective of him right now. 

Well, that's about it.  I will let everyone know what the results are from the oncologist after we get back from the appointment tomorrow.

Krissy