These are actual signs:
At a number of US military bases: Restricted To Unauthorazied Personnel
At a Santa Fe gas station: We sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.
At an optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
English Sign in German Cafe: Mothers, Please Wash Your Hands Before Eating
In a cleaner's window: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
In a hotel conference: For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care center on the first floor.
In a Los Angeles clothing store: Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.
In a Maine restaurant: Open seven days a week and weekends.
In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
In a safari park: Elephants please stay in your car.
In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: 15 men's wool suits - $100 - They won't last an hour.
In downtown Boston: Callahan Tunnel - NO END
In the winodw of an Oregon general store: Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?
On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.
On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.
On the grounds of a private school in Connecticut: No trespassing without permission.
Outside a country shop in West Virginia: We buy junk and sell antiques.
Outside a farm: Horse manure, pre-packaged bags, $10. Or, do-it-yourself, $1.
On a New York convalescent home: for the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church.
Quicksand warning: Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be drowned. By order of the District Council.