Once again it has been a few days since I have written. When I do that I am kind of avoiding. Avoiding because I don't want to let anyone know what is going on in my life. Well, there has not been a lot of anything going on. And that is when I start thinking I should write about my feelings. And then I really want to avoid that. So I just stop writing.
So today I thought I would come on here anyway and write about my feelings and what is really going on inside of me. I mean I can't let weeks go by and keep avoiding. I guess I could but then I wouldn't be staying true to what I originally wanted to do with this journal. So I will write about what has been going on inside of me.
I have gotten a few emails asking how I was doing. Well I am stressed. Majorly stressed. Haven't been this stressed in a long time. (Now Dad, when you read this don't start worrying because I have always been able to take care of myself.) And I am frustrated. Frustrated about some things in my life. Some things that won't seem to change no matter what I do. And full of anxiety. I have OCD and I can't stop worrying either. I don't know if you all know what OCD is, but I can't explain it right now. You can look it up under Obsessive Compulsive Disorder if you'd like. Mine lately has taken the form of obsessing and I can't stop worrying about the same things over and over again. Back and forth in my brain. I can't get more specific than that because I feel like I have laid myself bare and perhaps revealed too much already.
Many say - Well, you have your faith, you should be OK. Yes, my faith makes things infinitely better, but not perfect. Because I am not perfect. And because I have chemical imbalances that make me think certain ways. And have certain moods. And have anxiety. But I am doing the best I can.
So now you all know how I am doing. And I am going to press the send button now.