Saturday, November 6, 2004

Having a Hard Time

Once again it has been a few days since I have written.  When I do that I am kind of avoiding.  Avoiding because I don't want to let anyone know what is going on in my life.  Well, there has not been a lot of anything going on.  And that is when I start thinking I should write about my feelings.  And then I really want to avoid that.  So I just stop writing.

So today I thought I would come on here anyway and write about my feelings and what is really going on inside of me.  I mean I can't let weeks go by and keep avoiding.  I guess I could but then I wouldn't be staying true to what I originally wanted to do with this journal.  So I will write about what has been going on inside of me.

I have gotten a few emails asking how I was doing.  Well I am stressed.  Majorly stressed.  Haven't been this stressed in a long time.  (Now Dad, when you read this don't start worrying because I have always been able to take care of myself.)  And I am frustrated.  Frustrated about some things in my life.  Some things that won't seem to change no matter what I do.  And full of anxiety.  I have OCD and I can't stop worrying either.  I don't know if you all know what OCD is, but I can't explain it right now.  You can look it up under Obsessive Compulsive Disorder if you'd like.  Mine lately has taken the form of obsessing and I can't stop worrying about the same things over and over again.  Back and forth in my brain.  I can't get more specific than that because I feel like I have laid myself bare and perhaps revealed too much already. 

Many say - Well, you have your faith, you should be OK.  Yes, my faith makes things infinitely better, but not perfect.  Because I am not perfect.  And because I have chemical imbalances that make me think certain ways.  And have certain moods.  And have anxiety.  But I am doing the best I can.

So now you all know how I am doing.  And I am going to press the send button now. 

11 comments:

  1. Understand.
    Hug time.

    http://journals.aol.co.uk/sdrogerson/SpecimenDays/

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  2. I'm glad you made a journal entry and I will keep you in my prayers today.   :>)  Everyone seems to be enjoying your photo challenges.  Sorry I'm not participating.  I get stressed too I guess and try not to add anything to my to do list!!!  But I really enjoy seeing everyone's pics!  Great job.  
    I hope that whatever is stressing you solves itself.  I love your journal and I'm very fond of you and your family!  You are "good folk" as I've said before in my true Southern Ways!

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  3. beccihouse2228511/06/2004 10:45 AM

    We understand Krissy. I hope you feel better soon. Don't feel as if you have to write in here everyday. It just add's more pressure to you.
    Becci. xxxx

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  4. childebrand196811/06/2004 10:56 AM

    Hey Krissy--I feel and share your pain.  OCD can make the simplest matters seem daunting.  I think myself into anxiety attacks (or chest pain, headaches, etc).  It does seem easy for people who don't deal with OCD to just go on, but I know we can't...it isn't that easy.  I, too, avoid writing personal things when I'm in that mood.  Guess I'm reasoning if I don't write, it'll go away-it never does.  Hang in there, sweetie.  Hopefully it'll only last a short spell, your friends in J-land are always on your side.

    Love and Sunshine

    Cat

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  5. chellebelle197711/06/2004 2:51 PM

    I can say that I know how you are feeling and I will pray that one day it will all be better for you and I hope that day will be soon!!!!!!
    Chelle

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  6. sarajanesmiles11/06/2004 3:36 PM

    Much respect to you Krissy, it can sometimes take alot of courage to hit that save button.  I'm glad you did though, and hope that it helps in some small way to have the support and encouragement of your friends here in J-land.  You're in my thoughts hon.
    Sara   x

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  7. dakotarose285211/06/2004 8:06 PM

    Krissy, I am glad you were brave and made this entry.  You are so not alone.  One time I let worry take such a grip on me, I couldn't function.  I couldn't work, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep.  It was a major panic attack.  I don't ever want to be that way again.  I work very hard not to let it get control of me, but sometimes I feel it creeping up on me.  I truly understand what you are talking about.  I continue to pray for you and give thanks that we have become friends through our journals.  
    Susan

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  8. I had an Aunt with OCD. They didn't call it that, back in the day; but her symptoms were classic. Locking and unlocking the front door a certain number of time, several times a day...hitting the off button on each of her stove burners a certain number of times to verify they were, indeed, off...and so forth. She was always a nervous wreck. I loved her dearly. She was one of the sweetest, kindest members of our family. I hope your doctor can help you manage your medications so you can get back to a more even keel. Feeling flustered and out-of-sorts all the time is no way to enjoy life. BTW, write what ever you like in your journal. That's what it's there for. None if us "regulars" will judge or think any less of you. You are a sweetie! :-)

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  9. Your journal is yours, we are your guests. I hope that you find the best way to cope with your problems. We all have something or another and I do believe for a lot of usif we did not have our journals to vent then we would BURST!!!!

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  10. jules1964200111/08/2004 7:26 AM

    I am so glad you came and wrote down your feelings and what has been happening. I am here at any time to listen and be there for you. Friends support each other and I consider you a special friend. Take care...........Jules xxx
    http://journals.aol.co.uk/jules19642001/Itsmylife/

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  11. Even though faith may not make everything go away, it gives a feeling of remarkable peace. Having the knowledge that your God is looking out for you and wouldn't give you more than you can handle, is such an amazing thing to own up to. Trials and hardships are a big part of life, but without the trials, we cannot begin to experience true joy. Take care of yourself, and remember that something better is always on it's way.

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