Hi you all. I hope everyone's doing okay, and beginning to enjoy the holiday season. Is it beginning to start feeling Christmasy yet to you? Here everything is decorated. Even the hospital is decked out in pretty Christmas trees with all sorts of bulbs.
So I guess I should give you an update on John.
I found out yesterday that he has sepsis. That's a bacterial infection in the blood. He has something called Gram Negative. He probably has additional blood infections, but they are trying to figure out what they are. It takes one to three days to get results back from a culture.
The nurse told us that they hadn't expected him to live probably. She told us because John asked her and wanted to know. He then asked her if he was out of the woods, and she said not necessarily, but that they were giving him four antibiotics (three through IV and one orally) and that he had a good chance of making it.
Yesterday his fever came down (from being between 102.4 and 104.5 for days), so I asked the nurse last night if that meant he had turned the corner finally. She stated that she didn't know. So I am not really sure how he is doing. But he is better than he was doing before, when he was just about unresponsive. Now he can talk, and get up and go to the bathroom, although he needs some assistance some of the time.
The reason I am at home instead of at the hospital is because I come home nights because I need my CPAP machine. It is vital that I wear it every night. In the morning I go back to the hospital. I prayed about it last night, and felt enough peace to leave the hospital, so I came home.
I also needed a break, they have me working some of the machines for the nurse, LOL, because they don't have enough staff I guess. It is really insane and I get tired.
I didn't want to leave because I asked John what the nurses would do if I wasn't there? His machines would ding ding ding for an hour (because he is behind double doors and they can't hear the machines dinging so they can answer them when something is wrong).
John told me he would just press the call button and tell the nurses his machines were dinging, and ask them to come stop them from dinging, and to fix the comparable problem that caused the dinging. I told him that was all good and well, but what if he was asleep during the night, and didn't hear it? He could have a problem with his IV port (or whatever it is called), or his things on his legs that prevent blood clots. Or the machine that records blood pressure. Arggghhhh. Why would they wait an hour before checking up on him anyway? Some shift nurses are better than others. Some seem to wait longer than an hour to check on him.
At any rate, the oncologist was thinking of having John transferred to Hershey Medical Center by ambulance yesterday. Then he changed his mind. Now he is not sure. We will see what happens. One of the problems is John is getting close, very close, to needing blood again. If he does need it, locally it will take three days to get it. He won't have the time. I asked them to order the blood yesterday, so they will have it when he needs it. The nurse said they wouldn't in case John didn't need it. If he doesn't need it, and doesn't use it, they would have to spill it, and it wouldn't be able to go to somebody else. So they don't like to order the red blood cells unless it is imperative.
Well I will tell you what. If they are wrong, and he DOES end up needing blood, he won't be able to get it in time. He will go down hill VERY quickly. I am frustrated by this. I think they will have to send him to Hershey right away by ambulance or life flight. The reason is because they can get blood the same day there, usually in about four hours. In my small town it takes three days, LOL. Actually it is not really funny. So I am praying he doesn't need blood.
Okay, this is getting too long. There are a lot of things I am probably leaving out, but I can't remember what they are. I am feeling tired this morning, even though I slept.
Oh, I haven't really told you how I feel yet. Still worried, but WAY more peaceful. Sometimes as I sit in the hospital chair I feel like I am fighting depression though - that it is trying to wash over me in waves. But I fight it off, and it doesn't last for more than an hour usually. I also feel exhausted because I have a lot of responsibility. But I am with John 12 hours a day, at least, and will not leave his side, during those hours, except to get food. I will have it no other way. I am not going to stay away. Well this morning I do have to come in late. I need to get a prescription filled. In case I end up going to Hershey in a day or two.
I am missing my cat terribly. My parents took him, which was more than wonderful. At night when I start to cry, reaching out for John and he is not there, I look for kitty to snuggle up with. Then I realize he is not there either. So I decide to be brave and not cry. Besides, they are both in good hands. And so am I. God will take care of me.
Now this has gotten to long, and I need to get ready to go to the hospital.
Love you all,